Dear Darice

I have to write this so that you'll know what truly love is.

It wasn't what you saw this morning. There was no love there, Darice. There was only anger, resentment and distrust. Do not ever mistake what you saw as love. I repeat, there was no love there.

So how would you know? I hope this passage from the Bible helps...

1 Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

You know me Darice. I'm not an avid Bible reader, nor do I have a rigorous religous life. But this passage says it all, baby.

And I still believe that the love described is possible, Darice.

I had it once, felt it once, reveled in it once.

That love was when he came over to my house when Mommy found out I was pregnant. That love was when he took care of me when I got sick. That love was when he gave me those roses for no reason at all. That love was when we snuck out of the house and spent a lazy summer afternoon swimming. That love was when he laid down beside me after I gave birth to you. That love was when he held me while I cried, worried that I might not be a good mother to you. That love was when he endured every afternoon visiting us, his child, and the mother of his child. That love was when he finally gave up his other woman and came to get us. That love was when he chose us. That love was when he would hold my hand while we walked to class. That love was when he would put his arms around me while we rode a jeep home. That love was when he would gently touch my hair while I went to sleep.

That was the love I knew.

And where is it now, Darice? Honestly, I really don't know. Time. Time and life just took it all away. I am left with just these, these memories. Time does not heal all wounds, without love, it makes them fester and rot. But love, love will definitely heal all those wounds, those once inflicted, and those worsened by time.

The heart never forgets. It forgives, but it always remembers. Maybe that is why love left us. The heart had too many bad memories, too few good ones. Or maybe there were a lot of good memories, but I chose the bad ones to stay. I'm sorry.

I don't want you to get confused. You might grow up thinking that love behaves a certain way. That love will forgive a certain action, a certain behavior. But if it is truly love, there will be no need to forgive, because no harm will ever be done. Lies will abound when you grow up, pretending to be love, and you will not know it. But you will know love at once, because it has no lies.

I want you to get your hopes up. Yes, you read it right. Expect that love to happen to you. It happened to me! And when you find it, enjoy every moment of it. You deserve nothing less, Darice. Oh, I do want you so much to find that love. Love that is passion and romance and friendship and respect and trust all at once.

But do not mourn over it when it dies, Darice. Because I did, and I still am, and it will just break your heart over and over and over again. It will not leave any good memories, Darice, only the ugliest ones.

Oh Darice, I have so many things to tell you and to teach you. I wish you'd grow up already so that you'd understand. So that I can make you see, that this love I'm talking about, that I'm writing about, will someday come true for you.

And you will love every minute of it.